In our last post, we talked about what to do to maintain an erection without the help of viagra, a concern that can be highly disruptive to a couple’s pleasure. This time, we’re going to talk about what to do when a woman is struggling to orgasm with a partner, which is the case for up to 50% of all women, according to University Hospital’s OB/GYN Jean Marino.
As is the case for men, difficulty in achieving orgasms in women can have several causes, some of them are emotional, some of them are physical, and require the help of a trained specialist. However, there are several alternatives you can try to reduce anxiety and positively impact your sex life.
- Make time for self-pleasure and for seducing yourself
This is one of the most important things you can do when looking forward to increasing your chance of orgasming because it helps you to:
- Discover what you like and what you don’t when it comes to sex.
- Reconnect with your body in a loving and pleasurable way.
- Reconnect with your sensuality.
- Discover areas that may have become desensitized for any reason and reawaken them.
So, block an hour in your schedule, light some candles, play soothing music, take a shower and give yourself a massage with oil. Caress your body in different ways: with your fingertips, softly with your nails, run a piece of ice or a feather over it. Observe how different ways of touch feel across your body and let yourself go with it. Simply by doing this, you’ll reconnect with pleasure, and it’ll make things easier the next time you meet with your partner.
2. Resensitize numbed erogenous zones
Most women have a difficult time reaching orgasm by penetration alone, but this can be worked through. The feminine genital area has at least seven erogenous points, which all have different degrees of sensitivity, and most of the time, women don’t even know they exist. (Can you locate your A spot?)
When all these points are fully awakened, women are capable of feeling enormous amounts of pleasure and even of orgasming on each one of these points. In this case, a woman would be able to orgasm through penetration by having a G spot, A spot, cervical orgam, or by having it at her vagina entrante.
So, what should you do if you want to feel this much pleasure? Back to me-time. Create an environment capable of awakening your sensuality, explore your body (not just your genitals, but all your body) when you find a spot that you feel doesn’t respond to touch, caress it as you also stimulate your clitoris or other highly sensitive and pleasurable areas of your body. If the numbed area is inside your vagina, use your fingers or a sex toy. If you are into vibrators, try using it off. This is a slow, gentle exercise. Don’t rush it, don’t look for an orgasm. Just enjoy. By doing this, you’ll rewire your brain to associate pleasure with the stimulation of different areas of your body.
3. Look for connection, not for orgasms
Orgasms are not a goal but a happy consequence of pleasure. When you look for connection (with yourself or with your partner) and stop looking for orgasms, you drop a ton of pressure getting it the way between pleasure and yourself. This new conscience will tell your body it is safe to surrender to the experience and, as a result, it will become easier to reach ecstasy.
4. Use your throat more: talk, moan, whisper, sing, scream
According to the tantric tradition, the throat and uterus are interconnected. So, a way to work on opening the uterus and all that area to pleasure is via the throat. So express yourself. Create an intimate space to talk to your partner about the things you like and those you don’t, talk about what you would like to explore, express pleasure and pain, moan while making love, scream…
This association between the throat and uterus might be unexpected, but it is hard to stop thinking about it once you see a comparative diagram of both organs’ anatomy.
And if you’re afraid of annoying your neighbors by making too much noise, it’s ok. That’s what we’re here for.
5. Make sure your body is open, ready, and well lubricated before penetration
As we saw in our post about tantra and tao, women need a lot more time than men to be ready for sex. For penetration to be pleasurable, you are likely to need between half an hour and 45 minutes of foreplay for your vagina cannal to open and lubricate naturally. If you are in perimenopause or menopause, or in a moment of your menstrual cycle when you are lubricating less, try coconut oil or your favorite lubricant. This is important to protect the delicate tissues inside your vagina. If they get hurt because of friction, you won’t enjoy it, and chao orgasm.
Having a hard time orgasming can lead to a lot of frustration for you and your partner, but there are lots of alternatives you can try. Start by picking your favorite and book a room with us to get in the mood to reconnect with pleasure and joy.
