Sexual fantasies are one of the easiest ways of losing your mind during the day and, yet most of the time we don’t make them come true. Here’s an introductory guide to sex role play, so next time your head goes off to imagining your masseur or masseuse decides to give you a happy ending, you know how to bring up the topic with your partner and decide whether sex role play is for you or not. 

Start by imagining solo

First, give yourself permission to explore in your imagination what kind of scenarios turn you on. Is the classic school teacher/naughty student exciting to you? Does the idea of having sex with someone who just passed by turn you on? Or maybe you’re not there yet. If those scenarios still sound too far-fetched to you, imagine how it would feel putting on nice lingerie (or having your partner do it), for example, and explore from there up. Would you like to involve fragrant oil in the experience? Is there any particular zone in your body or your partner’s that you would like to explore? 

While fantasizing, you don’t need to be “a good person”; just let your mind do its thing. Later, you can get into the workarounds and the implications of having sex with the delivery guy or the flight attendant inside the airplane’s toilet, and, especially, how to adapt it so it can happen in real life, of course. 

Start the conversation outside the bedroom  

Starting the conversation about sex role play outside the bedroom might sound un-sexy, but it is a good way to show your partner you truly mean it and are open to having a serious conversation about it, as well as to giving your partner the time and space they need to consider whether they want to give it a try or not (and fantasies of their own they would like to bring to the table… or bedroom). 

A good way to do it is to open the conversation by asking about each other’s sexual fantasies in a broad sense. And, if your partner wants to be involved in role play, then move to other open-ended questions such as “How could we make it happen?”, “What would make the scene hot for you?”

After this phase of the talk, move on to defining safe words. Since some fantasies imply asymmetric power relations or delicate practices —and just because sex should always be consensual, pleasant, and both physically and emotionally safe— safe words are essential to know you are on a good track without breaking character.

A common practice is the traffic light system. Green means your partner wants you to keep going. Yellow, they are unsure and probably want you to take a step back. And red is full stop, break character, and check with them if they are okay.

Explore the familiar first

This may sound counterintuitive, but it is actually a good idea. When involved in role play, you’re going to feel ridiculous — and it is okay, no one is going to get an Oscar here. If you break character, laugh together, and go back into the role when you’re ready. But a way to make it less intimidating is to start by making small changes in your current sex life.

For example, if your ideal fantasy would imply getting dressed up, but you don’t feel ready to buy a costume, try one of our fantasy rooms. Our jungle or cave suites (just to mention two of them) are ideal to transport you to a completely new environment, where you’ll feel free from how your “normal you” is supposed to behave. And how liberating is that! 

Or if you want to play in the delivery-guy scenario, or pretending to have a sexual encounter with someone who just passed by, it would be as simple as having one of you knock on the suite’s door, and then see how it evolves from there. 

Then, as you both feel prepared, you can start incorporating props, toys, oils, and other elements to make your romantic getaways truly unforgettable. The options are endless. 

Engage in aftercare 

While sex and role play may be over, the entire experience isn’t. One of the most important aspects in whether a person remembers a sexual experience as physically and emotionally pleasant is aftercare. Take the time to cuddle, ask your partner how they are feeling, and rest together for a while.