We have all thought at least once about using sex toys, either solo or with our partner to explore our pleasure and intimacy. Perhaps you have a fantasy you would like to try; there is some physical reason that requires including a toy, for example, in the case of a lesbian couple who enjoys penetration, or in a long-distance relationship, or you are just curious. In any case, the sex toy world is huge and can be intimidating, but fear not, here you’ll find their cons and pros and ideas on how to suggest to your partner to give them a shot.
The basics first: safety
When you go to a sex shop or search online, you’ll find all sorts of toys. Pretty much, you’ll find a product for every type of sexual preference, from the classic dildos and vibrators to butt plugs and BDSM-related accessories. Regardless of your preferences in bed, the most important thing you need to check when buying sex toys is that they are made with body-safe materials.
The sex toy industry is unregulated, which means manufacturers can easily downgrade the materials they use to cut costs. Make sure whatever you buy is made of medical-grade silicone, body-safe glass, or stainless steel. If you ever find a toy that says something such as “for novelty use only,” run away from it! Why is this important? Because non-safe materials carry chemicals that can be toxic to you and get into your bloodstream via the delicate and porous skin of your genital area.
What kind of sex toys should you buy?
Sex toys are tricky in that you can’t try them beforehand to see if you like them, unlike buying clothes, and the variety is almost infinite. So, how can you know where to start?
One way to do it is to use what you know you enjoy in bed as a reference. If you know you enjoy a particular type of pennises, you might want to look for a dildo according to that. If you love receiving oral sex, you could go for a vibrator that stimulates the clitoris. By using your own pleasure as the reference point, you’ll be able to explore more comfortably and less nervously about wasting your money. Bit by bit, as you feel more at ease with the accessories you buy, you’ll know in which direction to keep exploring.
An important point to be aware of is that using any toy excessively can make you lose sensitivity or make your body get used to only one way of feeling pleasure. For example, if you get too accustomed to using a vibrator, you might then find it difficult to orgasm when being penetrated by your partner. No one can move as fast or for as long as a vibrator, so make sure sex toys are just a tool, not something you come to depend on. However, if you already feel like you depend on them to be able to have an orgasm, don’t worry, you can always regain your sensitivity.
How to bring up the topic with your partner?
Proposing exploring sex toys together can deepen the intimacy between your partner and you, even if in the end you decide against that option. Why? Because assertively communicating your fantasies and desires will allow you to know each other better, to feel safe while being vulnerable, and to be connected.
One point that worries people when considering using sex toys with their partner is making them feel like the need for a sex toy comes from their partner not being able to satisfy them. Here, the way you phrase your request is going to make a huge difference.
Look at these two options:
- I want to try this vibrator with you.
- I have a fantasy I would like us to explore and see if we both enjoy it. I would like to…
The point here is showing your partner you want to use sex toys to enhance your connection, intimacy, and pleasure for both of you, not as a means to replace them or make up for “what they do wrong”.
Following this line of thought, you can also explore what excites your partner the most about the idea of using sex toys. Would you like your partner to use a sex toy on you? Would you like to see how your partner uses it? Are you looking for a sex toy you can enjoy simultaneously?
As you learn how to communicate your fantasies, questions, and desires to your partner, you will grow more comfortable with these conversations, even when the answer is a limit or a “no” (which are fundamental in a healthy and consensual relationship).
Allow your imagination to fly. The possibilities are endless, and so can be your pleasure.
