It is more than evident that we change over time and, as our minds and bodies transform, so do our sex lives. But for so many women, the hormonal changes of perimenopause come before they learn the tools to navigate them, hence impacting both their sexual health and intimacy. But perimenopause and menopause don’t have to be a catastrophe. When you learn the right tools and find you’re not alone in this, you can handle it. Let’s get to it. 

 What the menopause?

 If you are going through your perimenopausal years, you are probably facing symptoms such as a foggy mind, low energy, anxiety, and getting to more sex-related issues, genital dryness, pain during sex, and low libido. The culprit is the hormonal changes that occur as your ovarian reserve declines, and your estrogen and testosterone levels decrease. The consequences?

• Slower metabolism
• Muscle mass loss
• Reduced vaginal lubrication 
• Thinning of the vagina tissues and reduction of their elasticity 

 Among others, like the dreaded hot flashes. But don’t panic, we said we were going to give you tips to gain back your sexual pleasure —not just listing your nightmares— and we will. The point is these factors, very naturally, can impact your desire and capacity to be sexually intimate with another person (or even with yourself). If making love becomes terribly painful every time you do it, eventually you will stop. You are not alone in this situation, you are not exaggerating, and it is important to know this. 

 So, what can you do?

 One important point —which will impact your well-being in and outside of the bedroom— is prioritizing rest and strength training

We need to break the exhaustion loop that makes you feel grumpy all the time, and rest is crucial for this. Strength training is also fundamental because it helps protect your muscle mass and improves the metabolism of your cells. As your cells become more proficient at extracting energy from food, you will have more energy available for other things in life (such as, of course, making love).

Also, you can consult with your physician on whether locally applied vaginal estrogen —available as creams, rings, or dissolvable tablets— could be an adequate treatment option for you. In the case of most women, it helps alleviate vaginal dryness —which you are probably feeling not only during sex, but in everyday life—, decreased sensation and arousal, painful sex, and other bladder and urinary symptoms. In case you don’t feel like using any hormonal treatments, you can try natural options such as coconut oil or vaginal suppositories based on natural ingredients such as chamomile and cocoa butter. 

 Let’s talk about sex

 So, once we’ve covered some basic issues that should allow you to feel more comfortable in your body, let’s get to the point: how to recover joy and pleasure in your sex life. 

 The first thing is recognizing that, as we age, our sexual energy, interests, and fantasies will change. During teenagehood and young adulthood, we have a ton of energy we’re not sure of how to use, which might translate into more energetic, fierce sex. But during the perimenopausal years and after menopause, you might be more interested in a slower, more intimate kind of sex that allows you to connect on an emotional, even spiritual level. Actually, Tantric and Taoist masters consider this stage an era of refined wisdom, when the experience of love expands to include the spirit. 

 In any case, medical research shows that, even if most women have a harder time feeling aroused as they age, the feeling of satisfaction after an orgasm doesn’t decrease for those who still have active sex lives.

1. Have sex
   
   It’s not a joke. A recent study published by the journal of The Menopause Society, involving more than 900 women between 40 and 79 years old, found that regular sexual activity limits vulvar pain, irritation, and dryness, which are the main reasons women stop having sex as they age. So, the simplest fix? Just get to it.
   
   
2. Try stimulating the clitoris
   
   For most women, it tends to be easier to reach an orgasm by stimulating the clitoris than through penetration. This makes even more sense when you consider the hormonal changes we talked about earlier. So, if penetration is too uncomfortable, don’t do it. Caress yourself, caress your partner, and teach them how you like to be touched. Here, we have more ideas on what to do when the female orgasm is hard to reach.
3. Discover other ways of making love

We have been conditioned to think of sex and lovemaking in very specific ways, but it doesn’t have to be the case. Making love is about expressing the connection between the two of you and, quite literally, creating more love, and that doesn’t have to mean penetrative sex if that makes you feel pain. Try giving each other a sensual oil massage, explore new erogenous zones, or try these tips from the ancient Tantric and Taoist masters.

Perimenopause and menopause don’t have to mean the end of your sex and love life. Reclaim your pleasure, you can do it!