Should You Give Your Boyfriend a Marriage Ultimatum?

Relationship Advice for Women

Here is some relationship advice for women. The marriage ultimatum is something of a relationship conundrum. Social cues tell us it’s reserved for crazies and control freaks. But conceptually, the ultimatum is nothing more than a logical person’s inquiry.

Some people are anti-ultimatum because they think it means you’re forcing the other person into a commitment they don’t freely want. Others use it to save themselves a year of faux optimism and instead skip right to the facts. Whatever the case, it’s always better to keep an open line of communication for both parties to express their needs and expectations.

That being said, if you’ve patiently reached the point where you need to know whether to stay or go, then present the issue with poise, maturity and respect. Here’s how.

Start with strategy. Choose an appropriate time where both you and your man can devote time to the conversation, like over dinner or an evening on the couch. Don’t approach the topic when you’re angry.

Choose your words wisely. Genuinely ask why he hasn’t popped the question, and clearly communicate your expectations and desires. Don’t dismiss his explanations or reasoning—take it in respectfully, even if you disagree.

Be patient. This may have been a hot topic on your mind for months now, but don’t forget he hasn’t been preparing for this talk like you have. Give him time to reflect and make a decision, and revisit the conversation in a few weeks. Set a date and avoid bringing up the ultimatum before then. If you’re uncomfortable scheduling the next convo with him, give yourself a timeline (if marriage and a family are a goal for you, you can’t wait around forever).